Cluster-F**k

Clusterfuck - Military term for an operation in which multiple things have gone wrong. Related to "SNAFU" (Situation Normal, All Fucked Up") and "FUBAR" (Fucked Up Beyond All Repair).  In radio communication or polite conversation (i.e. with a very senior officer with whom you have no prior experience) the term "clusterfuck" will often be replaced by the NATO phonetic acronym "Charlie Foxtrot."

I don't know how I get myself into these cluster-fucks so often and somehow pull myself out of them.  I really want this year to be different and I want to get away from all the drama.  It is literally killing me.  Most recently, my wonderful father-in-law started some crap with my 17 year old daughter.  He told her a bunch of things that I’m being told were and are lies.  He really caused quite a bit of frustration and problems. 

The problem is along with his ridiculous and mindless accusations came pent up hurt and ill-feelings on my end.  First I was upset that he hurt my daughter and that he offended her.  Secondly, I was just upset that he had the audacity to actually pull what he did.  Me, being a very emotionally driven person brought some things to light that should have just been left alone.  Regardless of my feelings about certain events or things I shouldn’t have brought “old news” back up.  I was senseless and impractical to think that any of it would be treated any differently now than it was years ago.

So I thought I ended things by proclaiming that I didn’t want to talk about things anymore but that just seemed to cause more of a problem.  I am confused because I feel like I’m being told that what’s in the past is in the past and forget about it but at the same time the past is being brought up by others and it’s OK for them to do it; but I have to get over it?  How is that fair or how does that make sense?

Anyway, what my father-in-law did was asinine immature but it also made me realize some things.  One of those things is that I sorta don’t care what anyone else thinks anymore (to a point).  Why should I because my feelings seem to mean shit so why should theirs mean any more than mine?  They shouldn’t.

Well, I discussed this with my daughter for the last time last night and we both agreed that neither of us are mad anymore; it is the past and there is nothing either of us can do to change any of it now.  She doesn’t want anyone or anything to change within the family due to what my father-in-law said.  But she did say to me, and without my coercion, that some things had happened in the past and it was very obvious what they were.  She said call it what you want but they were what they were.  But they are over and we aren’t lingering anymore.  I’m happy that she feels that way and that she wants to move forward and not let any of what my father-in-law said affect her relationships.  So it is done.  The end.

So tomorrow is my interview for a possible new position of Assistant Principal Secretary.  I am nervous but I know I interview well.  I am going to get a some sleep tonight and go into the interview confident and excited.  There are only two of us who applied for the position and the other lady who applied is a close work acquaintance.  Even thought I do want the job badly, I wish her the best and will be happy for her if she gets the position.

I am trying to come up with a good idea for the last tab on my blog.  I have been really thinking of designating it as my Jewelry page premiering the jewelry I've already made and showing some of my techniques there as well.  I need to get back into my hobby as it was a great release for me when stress stuck it's nasty head into my life.  What do you all think?