A Little Bit of This and A Little Bit of That

I am sad to report that I did not take control and ownership of my laptop last night like I should have (thank you for your comment Infidel).  I really need to start standing up for myself a little bit more or at all really.  I'm getting better at it but the long I wait the more bitter I become...at least that's how I feel.  Like I said, I can't wait for the holiday's to be over. 

Moving on, today is my husbands birthday and he will be getting this tattoo....



It's in memory of his buddy Joey Shoop, who was in a fatal snowmobile accident almost 6 years ago (tattoo shown is on Brian Shoop my husbands buddy and Joey's big brother).  I am hoping he'll send me a picture of it when he's done with it.  He only has 2 tats so this will get him closer to my 8.  I will have to take pictures of mine and I'll do a blog entry about them.  I'll try tonight actually.  Might be fun trying to get pictures of them. 

The 8 I have are mostly non-feminine.  The 1st one I got was when I was back when I was 21 (man that was 16 years ago) and that is a simple little tribal design just above my left breast.  The 2nd one I got done was only a few months later of a small heart with barbed wire coiled around it and my oldest daughters name written in cursive above it on my right shoulder blade.  The 3rd was a bit larger and covers a part of my lower left back and butt.  It is of 3 long stem roses (2 red and 1 yellow) that look like they are cutting into my skin, then back out again with little drips of blood coming from the areas that the stems look like they are going into my skin.  My 4th one I got done on a blind date...weird I know.  It is of a snake and is on my right forearm.  The 5th one was my "colorful" black widow that is on my left ankle...pretty boring really.  Then I got the 6th one on my right bicep.  It is another small tribal design that I took from a larger piece...I was a big baby and never got it done completely around my entire bicep.  My 7th one is a HUGE disappointment.  I went to an unfamiliar place to get it done with some friends one night and I regret it to this day.  It is a crappy outline, which I might add is completely botched, of a gecko.  I had the seemingly drugged out tattoo artist stop when she was done with the outline because it was so fucked up.  And my 8th tat is actually pretty.  It is of a purple vine of flowers and it wraps around my right ankle and shin. 

I do intend on getting my crappy gecko covered with a colorful Chinese dragon of some sort.  It will have to be big because the outline is larger.  Something like this but with purple instead of blue...



I also want to get a set of eyes tattooed on the back on my neck...something like this (only similar to this)...



...just because I like 'em.  I want my astrological sign tattooed on the inside of my left ankle...

...then I want my 1/2 sleeve.  I currently have the tribal on my right bicep but I want to incorporate it into what I want.  I want to have clouds, fairies, a sun & moon with some stairs.  More of a fantasy theme.  I need help designing it.  I am creative but as far as being artistic...well, I'm a bit rusty in that area. 

Well, I think I will go for now and come back later with my daily quote.  I am feeling a bit off today so I'm not sure what the quote will be. 

[dis-fuhngk-shuhn-l]



Who isn't dysfunctional these days, really?  I mean seriously think about that...what is "normal" anymore?  I am not the typical female of sorts, or at least I don't think I am.  Is there something wrong with me because I don't like gold?  Because I don't like diamonds?  Because I don't like roses?  Because I'd prefer a hand written poem to a bouquet of flowers and a fancy ring on a special occasion?  Wait, I take that back...I do like flowers just not your typical flowers and I like jewelry but not the kind that will cost you 3 months salary.  But is that odd?  Hand me a single calalilly and I will light up...that is beautiful to me.  In my opinion, well most of the time anyway, less is more.


I recently had a conversation with some people about diamonds and things of that nature and another girl said to me, "Maybe you just haven't gotten the right one...", meaning the diamond.  I agreed with her.  I do think they are pretty but at the same time I don't need one to remind me how much someone cares for me or loves me.  I get the entire gesture behind the diamond ring and marriage but it almost seems gross to me how so many woman base the size and cost of their ring on how much their significant other cares for them.  Does anyone agree with me on that one? 


Anyway, I don't quite know where I was going with that topic but it's something I have thought about for quite some time.  I mean, even though I don't mind getting pretty gifts of jewelry, flowers or little trinkets from time to time, it's the little things or the memories that really mean so much to me.  I can keep a memory forever where as jewelry, flowers and cards get lost, die and fade making them hard to read over time.  I know they say a diamond is forever but how many marriages or relationships really last forever anymore?  Not that many sadly.  I think they need to find a new line for the infamous DIAMOND. 



Then I ponder the age old question of why marriages fail.  Why do they fail?  Why does sex get so boring after awhile?  Why do people grow tired of one another?  Why is it that men and women cheat or stray?  Is it that humans are not meant to be monogamous?  I don't know that I really believe men and women to not be monogamous creatures but at the same time I know I've felt many times in my own relationship that monogamy might be impossible.  There are many different types of lifestyles that allow couples to explore alternatives to monogamy, such as swinging and open relationships, but does that truly replace happiness or add happiness in the relationship for that couple?  I'm not so convinced of that theory.


After having a pretty rough month I've thought about what and where happiness honestly comes from.  Is it something that derives from our own psyche or is it something administered by others around us?  I think it's a little bit of both.  I'm convinced that sometimes when we are so unhappy within our own lives and situations it takes a jolt to make you realize how unhappy one really is.  That "jolt" can be a friend, family member, a stranger, something you hear on the radio, your kids or something completely random.  I think these "jolts" are also signs from the universe telling us we either need to piss or get off the pot.  Some of these "jolts" are pleasant and some not so pleasant and they are accompanied by hurt and disappointment in not just others but mostly ourselves. 


Why do many of us grow old and find contentment in being unhappy with our everyday lives and situations and relationships?  Is religion to blame for some of this?  I thought we were in the 20th Century where the thought of divorce, separation and breaking up was more a norm than not.  I'm not saying that divorce and separation and breaking-up are good things but when you wake up one morning and come to the grim realization that your marriage or relationship is not making you happy and there are more cons than pros then why should one stay in that for the rest of their lives?  Isn't that a waist of someones life?  Isn't that a waist of love and someones spirit?  Sometimes the integrity of life is much more important than what religion dictates. 



Well, those are my thoughts for today.  If they brought you down, I apologize.  If they gave you some inspiration and helped you realize that you need to get the lead out of your ass and start living again then I'm glad I could help.  Until next time...

"She thinks that happiness is a mat that sits on her doorway."
~Rob Thomas, song: 3am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Naa1HXeDQ