Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Friday...and the weekend

So, to my friends of the Shop and in the blogger world, I will be taking a little break from the Shop area and somewhat of one from here.  I've had quite a colorful week, as I'm sure you read in my last post, and I need some to think things over, work things out and just make things work.  Seems when one mess either goes away, is forgotten or I let my guard down for just a nano-second all hell breaks loose!  Seriously, this is my true curse.  No time for me, there's just no time!  UGH!

So, on my plate now is:
  • Saving my marriage
  • Fixing my daughters mistakes
  • Finding a new place to live
  • Trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with my libido
. . . and when all that is done (in no particular order) I may be able to go back to finding myself . . . wherever I may be.  My therapist isn't going to be happy about my decision.  But it is what it is.  When I try to do something for me a detour sign pops up and nearly hits me in the face.



. . . this is what my road looks like.  Fun huh?

Anyway, Friday my daughters attitude was quite amusing.  After I hung up with her when she had her little hissy about not wanting to clean up the dog poop, I didn't talk to her again that day.  She sent me a text saying , "You know, I still want to go to that concert tomorrow night."  She was supposed to go to an Admirals game then to a Rodney Atkins concert with a friend and their boyfriends.  I said she should have thought about that before she got arrested.  So she called her dad (her dad and I aren't together and I never married him . . . she doesn't live with him but likes to go to his house when she's pissed at me. 

She told him what happened the night before and he called her a dumbass.  She told him she wanted to go to the concert, blah, blah, blah and he asked if she thought she should be able to go after what she did.  She said, "no".  Then she said to him, "But my mom knew I had this planned for like a month now!"  WHAT?????  So you can go out, steal nearly $150 worth of clothing from a department store, get caught and just assume all is well down on the home front and you can go on with your plans like it was nothing???  I told her dad I'd like her to say that to me.  She never did.

She sat up in her room a good majority of the night until I asked her to come down.  She said she was just going to stay up in her room and sleep the weekend away.  I said that would be stupid.  She said nobody was talking to her about what happened anyway.  So I asked her what she wanted me to say . . . I said I had nothing to say about it but to state the obvious.  She was wrong, she knew it was wrong, yet she did it anyway and got caught.  He fault, not mine.  She fought that pushing blame onto me saying she needed clothing for the concert and I wasn't going to buy her any.  No!  I wasn't going to buy her any . . . she has plenty on clothing to wear as it was.  Good God!  Are you kidding me?  How was what she did anywhere near my fault?  Oh well.

So I worked all weekend and now am sitting on my bed typing this shit and my youngest is reading a book next to me.  The weather says we have a blizzard watch for our area that starts Tuesday morning and goes through Wednesday evening.  I hope that it snows so much I have to stay home.  I hate when I don't get a day off on the weekend!  Until then, this is where I'll be dreaming of and where I want to be . . .


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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Taiwanese woman, 30, to marry herself

weekend today October 23 - 24, 2010, Page 18
From http://imcms2.mediacorp.sg/CMSFileserver/documents/006/PDF/20101023/2310WPW020.pdf
Source website: http://www.todayonline.com/World/EDC101023-0000058/Taiwanese-woman,-30,-to-marry-herself
By REUTERs, 05:54 AM Oct 23, 2010



PHOTO: Office worker Chen Wei-yih (picture) has posed for a set of photos in a flowing white dress, will marry herself.
weekend today October 23 - 24, 2010, Page 18
http://imcms2.mediacorp.sg/CMSFileserver/documents/006/PDF/20101023/2310WPW020.pdf


TAIPEI - Office worker Chen Wei-yih (picture) has posed for a set of photos in a flowing white dress, enlisted a wedding planner and rented a banquet hall for a marriage celebration with 30 friends. But there is no groom. Ms Chen, 30, will marry herself.

Uninspired by the men she has met but facing social pressure to get married, Ms Chen will hold her reception next month.

"Age 30 is a prime period for me. My work and experience are in good shape but I haven't found a partner, so what can I do?" said Ms Chen, who will go on a solo honeymoon to Australia.

"It's not that I'm anti-marriage. I just hope that I can express a different idea within the bounds of a tradition."

As Ms Chen cannot officially register a marriage to herself, she said she will wed again if she finds a man later. Her NT$50,000 ($2,100) wedding comes after online publicity that has netted 1,800 largely sympathetic comments.

"I think there will be more and more girls like this," said "divagirl", who did not elaborate.

Taiwanese women are marrying later, and fewer are doing so as their economic status advances, fuelling government concerns about a drop in the birth rate and its impact on productivity.
By REUTERs, 05:54 AM Oct 23, 2010



PHOTO: Chen will go on a solo honeymoon to Australia following the wedding.
http://www.digitaljournal.com/img/5/1/6/1/1/2/i/7/8/3/o/chen.jpg
http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/299295



PHOTO: Walking Alone
http://www.veganpoet.com/images/humanity/walking-alone.jpg
http://www.veganpoet.com/humanity/walking-alone.htm



PHOTO: Alone Lonely Haunted Place 31000 Background Image
http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/170730/alone-lonely-haunted-place-31000.jpg
http://www.layoutsparks.com/1/170730/alone-lonely-haunted-place-31000.html



Reference
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Friday, August 27, 2010

Settle down Yes, Settle for No

weekend today, August 28 - 29, 2010, COLUMN, PAGE T3, (the fairer text)
From http://imcms2.mediacorp.sg/CMSFileserver/documents/006/PDF/20100828/2808COW003.pdf
Website: http://www.todayonline.com/Columns/Thefairertext/EDC100828-0000049/Settle-down?-Yes,-Settle-for?-No
By Georgina Chang, georginac@mediacorp.com.sg, 05:55 AM Aug 28, 2010


PHOTO: I'd rather be single and sometimes lonely than be miserable in an unhappy relationship.
The writer's gonna take her time.
(Art: Yen Yok)
I beseech attached people not to impose your fears of being single on those who are. Because I’m not on a journey just to find a life partner. I’m on a journey to find people who will be in my life forever.
weekend today, August 28 - 29, 2010, COLUMN, PAGE T3, (the fairer text)





PHOTO: Georgina Chang
weekend today, August 28 - 29, 2010, COLUMN, PAGE T3, (the fairer text)
The writer is the senior creative director of 987FM and Lush 99.5.


IN THE past when I was in a bad relationship, we would argue about the most ridiculous things almost every day. I felt like I was in hell, on earth.

In reality, these silly fights were a symptom of underlying major problems and differences that could not be resolved. I would then make excuses to myself as to why I was still with him. I eventually came to my senses, but only after a lot of pain and disappointment.

Of course, I want to be in a fulfilling, loving relationship where we have the same priority - each other.

Parents and children are expected to leave you eventually, but your partner is for life, isn't he?

So I'd rather take my time to carefully decide who my life partner will be. There's plenty at stake, like happiness, joy, comfort, support and inspiration.

While I'm enjoying that dating journey though, it's challenging to be content about being single in Singapore.

I was at brunch with a group of friends when one of them, smug with her rich husband, two kids and a dog, said to me: "Hey, why don't you date our friend John since you're both available."

I've known John for years and she knows we've never had that kind of attraction. Still, she casually suggested that since we're the only single ones left in the group, we might as well hook up.

I wanted to put hooks into her presumptuous botoxed cheeks.

I have some female friends who have declared a little too emphatically that they have no interest in getting married, and that they don't need a man. These are warm, loving women, but they've had to go on the defensive to ward off the annoying question of: "Why aren't you married?". Which actually translates to "What's wrong with you?"

I have a handful of friends who are genuinely happily married, but there are so many more who aren't. I hear them constantly complaining bitterly.

A woman in a joyless relationship looks haggard. A man in a joyless relationship looks for other women. I want to minimise the risk of being joyless.

That means I'm not willing to settle for a guy just because he has a great smile and smells nice. No, no, I have a specific set of criteria, like honesty, a sense of humour, wisdom, courage and a touch of sex appeal.

Does that make me picky?

Women in Singapore are accused of that, just because they don't want to date someone with a lower income or education than themselves.

I've dated men with lower incomes, and the problems surfaced when he expected to be treated like the king of the house - I had to cook and serve him and obey his demands, yet he got angry if I didn't subsidise his expenses.

(Dude, if you want to be treated like a King, you have to treat her like a Queen, not an obsequious employee who has to pay you to make you look good.)

Sure, there are some girls who only want a rich guy, any rich guy even if he is obnoxious, fat, balding or a lying cheat. If you judge these girls as materialistic, don't get angry about it. You can simply choose not to date them.

I had a friend who insisted on only dating a guy who is tall, good looking, with an Ivy league education and a great job. Iasked her: "But what do you offer him in return?"

She looked disdainfully at me as if I had just picked my nose, and continued without missing a beat: "And he must drive a nice car and live in an posh condo."

As Gloria Steinem kinda said: "Become the man you want to marry."

If you expect your partner to be kind, generous, and always gorgeous, then you should have the same qualities too, right? Paunchy, flabby men should not make fun of their wife's chubby thighs.

So I beseech attached people not to impose your fears of being single on those who are. Don't pressure us to settle for anyone, or shortchange ourselves. Don't give us pitying looks (especially if your own relationship isn't that great) or try to match-make us with whoever else is still single.

We're actually having a great life doing what we want, with whoever we want. And I want to take my time because I have that freedom.

Because I'm not on a journey just to find a life partner. I'm on a journey to find people who will be in my life forever.
By Georgina Chang, georginac@mediacorp.com.sg, 05:55 AM Aug 28, 2010

The writer is the senior creative director of 987FM and Lush 99.5.



PHOTO: Jennifer Aniston is close to turning 40 and she doesn’t have a man in her life. She wants to settle down and start her family right now. One guy who’s fallen for her in a pretty hard way, is no-one but Shemar Moore.
http://showstalker.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/jennifer-aniston-shemar-moore.jpg
http://showstalker.net/2008/10/shemar-moore-wants-jennifer-aniston-in-his-life/



PHOTO: The husband cheats a beautiful wife and then seeks forgiveness.
http://www.sevensidedcube.net/wp-content/uploads/bullock.jpeg
http://www.sevensidedcube.net/jesse-james-seeks-forgiveness-to-bullock/



PHOTO: http://www.solarnavigator.net/films_movies_actors/actors_films_images/sandra_bullock_suede_shoes.jpg
http://www.solarnavigator.net/films_movies_actors/sandra_bullock.htm




Reference
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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Marriage, Many women marry for better or for worse

TODAY, Wednesday February 10, 2010, VOICES, PAGES 32
http://imcms2.mediacorp.sg/CMSFileserver/documents/006/PDF/20100210/1002VOR034.pdf
Letter from Mrs David Chng Heng Chye





‘Many women marry for better or for worse’ - Wives who walk out
I was very indignant when I read “No more for poorer?” (Feb 9) especially the paragraph that stated “Many women may not want to go through a tough journey with husbands who may not be economically reliable in these very challenging times”.

Many women marry for better or for worse and are willing to stick by their spouses through thick or thin. That is why the number of couples who divorce remain relatively small to those who stay married.

On Monday night, the episode of Life Transformers featured a woman who is willing to stick by her husband although he is jobless. This woman has been working hard to support the extended family.

One of her young sons also has attention deficit disorder.

Personally, I am happily married. I love my hubby for his thoughtfulness, good nature and hands-on attitude.

Having our children (the third one is due in September) make our lives complete.

Before one gets married, it is important to open the eyes wide and to understand the other party well.

My husband and I went through a marriage preparation course together before marriage and this certainly paved the way.

I am sure I am not the only one who has found marriage very fulfilling. We must not be disheartened by a few extreme cases where wives walk out on their husbands when the men lose their financial reliability.
Letter from Mrs David Chng Heng Chye




Posted on www.todayonline.com
From Mark Wong
I don’t know if it is a general trend, but I too have noticed the same thing that Mr Gilbert Goh has pointed out.

In Singapore, at least, it appears that the ability to find and keep a wife very much depends on continued ability to contribute to the household income.




From Constance Chong
When a marriage fails, both parties are responsible. My husband was out of a job for two-and-a-half years. This ordeal strengthened our marriage with love, trust, acceptance, forgiveness and reconciliation all playing a part.

It was a difficult time, but we finally saw the light behind the darkness and learnt to cherish each other more. I encourage families in a similar situation to press on, knowing that the darkness will end.



From Col
The ladies go out to work and the last thing they want is to empty their pockets to help for the “short-term”. I speak from experience, having an ex-wife who walked out on me after just nine months of marriage.

Though we have never argued, but when I was retrenched from a high-paying job and was not working for almost a year, she thought I was not able to get that kind of salary in the future. I never ventured into any vices, but with her workmates egging her to quit, she decided to end the marriage.

In the work place, that has many ladies, they tend to discuss and gossip how their husbands would provide for them.



By Dr. Bill Maier Focus On The Family
From Academy od Certified Counsellors
Transforming Lives From Within®
Conferences, Workshops, Training in Counselling, Pychology & Special Needs
Hotline: 6339 5411
www.certifiedcounsellors.org

FIGHTING GOING TOO FAR
How far is too far when married couples argue? Every couple has arguments and disagreements from time to time. It is a normal part of any relationship. But how do you know when your marriage has crossed over from normal conflict to serious problems?

According to Dr James Dobson, the difference between stable families and those in serious trouble is defined by what happens after a fight.

In a healthy relationship, confrontation ends in forgiveness. Couples come back together again, showing their love and respect for each other and then put the matter behind them.

But, in unstable marriages, conflict produces even greater pain and resentment. And the anger will usually hang on until the next fight. This causes bitterness to build and accumulate.

It is a devastating dynamic that will eventually kill the marriage. That is why a proverb tells us not to let the sun go down on our wrath.



Reference
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Marriage, No more for the poorer


TODAY, Tuesday February 9, 2010, VOICES, PAGE 26
http://imcms2.mediacorp.sg/CMSFileserver/documents/006/PDF/20100209/0902VOL026.pdf
By Gilbert Goh





Modern marriages equate wedded bliss with financial stability

A FRIEND of mine recently separated from his wife of five years. The worst part of the separation was when she walked out last year while he was jobless.

She was not open either to counselling or to seeking any assistance to resolve their marital issues. It was a deep stab wound in my friend’s already fragile self esteem and confidence.

Although there were other issues that affected the marriage, it seemed that my friend’s inability to contribute financially for the duration of the marriage prompted her to walk away from the relationship.


PHOTO: http://www.haasestall.de/weisheiten/ehe.jpg

It is fortunate that the couple have no children, but the walkout has caused my friend plenty of heartache and dismay. He has not been able to function properly in the past few months with insomnia and depression his constant companions.

The only light he has seen at the end of the proverbial tunnel is that he has finally found a job after a year of being out of work.

I also heard of another middle-aged man who lost his family after being involved in a serious accident. After a long spell of therapy and hospitalisation, he happily went home only to find that his family had packed up and left the house.

He later received a lawyer’s letter from his wife seeking a separation. It is apparent that the wife saw him as a likely liability because, after the accident, he may no longer be economically active to provide for the family.


PHOTO: http://www.haasestall.de/weisheiten/ehe.jpg http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/APG/502-20761.jpg

I am sure that there are many other similar cases of wives walking out on the family when the man is found to be wanting in terms of providing for the family.

Many women may not want to go through a tough journey with husbands who may not be economically reliable in these very challenging times.

Recent statistics have shown that, in general, more women file for separation when the marriage runs aground.

Have local women grown soft and are no longer able to sustain relationships when facing a rocky patch?

These examples demonstrate how much modern marriages equate wedded bliss with financial stability. Whatever happened to the marriage vow “for poorer or for richer”?

As Singapore recovers from a deep recession, let us hope that we grow stronger and become more resilient. We may have lost our jobs, but let us not lose our families when we need them most.
By Gilbert Goh


PHOTO: http://dl10.glitter-graphics.net/pub/1803/1803990yle7t24eel.gif


Reference

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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Love and Infatuation - The Test of Time

Some of my colleagues and ex-colleagues are getting married by end of this year or the start of next year. The least we could do is to give the couples our best wishes, after seeing them making so much efforts to register, plan and organize their weeding.



For those of us who have being unable or unsuccessful in doing so could be surprise at how fast and easily others can walk down the aisle together. This does not mean that all couples have not gone through the trying period of courtship and carefully make the final lifelong decision.



Most often than not, there could be many interesting, exciting and painful stories left behind before their historical announcement. It is just that we are too engrossed with our own affairs to know about their efforts and hardships.

Every marriage is make in heaven and should be treasured.



For those with hopeless chances and are invited to celebrate others' happiness (with cost) in this very difficult times is an opportunity for character building. The haunting "failures" are back in full force, to torment mercilessly and with the cruel motive to embarrass.

Similarly, the organizers are too engrossed with their own activities to realize the extreme feeling of those trying to escape such events. There is always somebody wanting to achieve personal satisfaction at the expense of others.


Picture is obtained from http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/guilu67/guilu670806/guilu67080600077/3218719.jpg

Those in the group of "Successful" will immediately scoff at those unfortunate enough to be at the receiving end. Unkind words like "Stupid", "Unsporting", "Self-centered" and "Unsociable" will be used to attack the already injured.

This is often executed with an air of the mighty and holy beings. Because they are "Successful" in this area and therefore entitled to this privilege. The "failures" must be publicly disgraced until beyond any doubt. There is no stopping unless the victim is totally red with embarrassment and left skimping in their seat for the rest of the endless time.



Some of the following chinese saying are relevant to the topic.
山水有相逢 - Will eventually meet one another
shān shuǐ yǒu xiāng féng

你情我愿 - Both agree Willingly
nǐ qíng wǒ yuàn

伤心失意 - Sad and dejected
shāng xīn shī yi

头昏脑胀 - The head is reeling, spinning
tóu hūn nǎo zhànɡ

喜山眉梢 - Looks very happy, eyes twinkle with pleasure
xǐ shān méi shāo

心神恍惚 - Distrait, Distracted
xīn shén huǎng hū

Translated using nciku (www.nciku.com), an online dictionary with English and Chinese language (with Pinyin).



Picture is obtained from

The following is an article that could help to achieve what God has make for us.

From TODAY Online.com , Monday, July 6, 2009, MY VOICE, Focus on the family, Page 15
email voices@mediacorp.com.sg

By Dr. James Dobson
Specialists Diploma in Teaching & Supporting Children with Special Needs Academy of Certified Counsellors www.Certifiedcounsellors.org
Hotline: 6339 5411

 THE TEST OF TIME
If you want to know whether or not you’re really in love, give it the test of time.

Infatuation is the name we give to that first bright burst of attraction between two people. It sets our pulses racing and makes us think of clouds and fireworks, as well as stories that end in “happily ever after”.



There’s no doubt infatuation looks and feels very much like love; the only problem is, it doesn’t last. It’s a quick, emotional high, with no commitment behind it. And when it runs its course, we find ourselves back where we started, with little or nothing to show for the experience.



How then can we distinguish real love from temporary attraction? If the feeling is reliable, how can we measure the commitment of the will? There’s only one answer: It takes time.

The best advice I can offer a couple contemplating marriage, or any other important issue, is make no important life shaping decisions quickly or impulsively.

Measure your motivation carefully, and when in doubt, stall for time. Give your emotions a chance to evolve and oscillate. If your love is real, it can handle the wait, and your relationship will be stronger for the seasoning of an unhurried foundation.
By Dr. James Dobson

Reference
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