Brrr...It's *#$%@&* Cold!!!

I've lived in the Chicagoland area my entire life (well minus 2 years) but I was born and raised here and the cold is always a shock to my system.  I absolutely hate it!  But here I am still living in the windy city (well the suburbs).  I think the only thing that keeps me here, well besides family and childhood friends, is having the 4 seasons; winter is just not the same without snow.  But this is not what I came here to write about this morning...

"People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.  But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates."

~Thomas Szasz, "Personal Conduct," The Second Sin, 1973

So I had an enlightening conversation with a friend last night about coming into my own; about figuring out who I am.  Well, besides being a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mom amongst other things I really have come to the realization that I really truly do not know myself very well.  I mean I can walk the walk and talk the talk very well but is that honestly what and who I am?  In the world that I've created for myself yes, but in reality it really isn't. 

Anyone who is reading this, ask yourself, "Have I ever taken inventory of the things I like and don't like and WHAT in my life is important to me?"  If you can give me an honest "YES" then kudos to you.  If you haven't then it's quite possibly time for you to do so.  I know it's time, or way past my time to do so.

I often wonder who my true friends are and who those are that are just there to suck up my energy leaving me with nothing left for myself.  That sounds very flagrant, I know, but I'm only speaking the truth.  I think I have like 3 true friends that I can honestly say that would be there for me no matter what I have gotten myself into without judgement.  The others may say they are but when it comes down to it, they wouldn't answer the phone if I called. 

A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out.

~Grace Pulpit

I am now faced with one of the hardest decisions I think I've had to make in my lifetime really...or it sure feels that way to me at the moment.  But I know that this decision is something I have to make or it could mean never finding my true self and being able to love myself and believing in myself.  I have to do that...for me.  *sigh*  Why must things be so difficult to follow through with?  That I will never understand. 

Back to the pursuit of happiness...