So, today has been somewhat of a reminiscent day for me so far. I know it's only about 1/2 way through the day but it's been quite a thought filled one thus far. I've come to terms with some things and events that have changed my life over the past several month recently and it's triggered some different thought patterns.
I know I've written about my marital issues on here as well as the issues I've had with my oldest daughter and other stuff, however, I haven't gone into great detail or really any detail for that matter. Writing my thoughts and getting some feed-back from my followers and on line friends that don't know the entire situation has been helpful and therapeutic in it's own way but until I truly release what is tormenting me on the inside I can't seem to move on and move past it all.
I've been told that I am an extremist, I think too much, I am too passionate, I make a mountain out of a molehill, I'm seeing things from one prospective . . . and so on. Maybe I am . . . maybe I'm not. Who's prospective am I supposed to see things from if not from my own? How passionate is too passionate? When do I stop thinking too much into things and just let them go without resolution or accountability from the "other side"? When does that molehill become a mountain and is it always me making the mountain of it?
I really don't know the answers to these questions as from my own prospective I don't see that I am the problem or the "only" problem. I know, just as well as the next person, that I am not a perfect being. I don't want to be perfect . . . what's the fun in being perfect? I make my share of mistakes, some on a daily basis and some I've repeated, thus making parts and stretches of my life very difficult due to my own behaviors but some mistakes have been learned from and not made again. I have bad habits just like you do and some I've overcome and some I still carry on with knowing they are bad without the ambition or desire to change them. Who doesn't?
I just realized that some of you who've been reading my rants on here about how horrible my life is may be thinking that I'm just negative and just like to bitch. I really am not that negative of a person (although I've had my moments) so I want to take some time to let you know where I'm coming from. This is no walk in the park and it's not going to be a short story. If you choose to read any of this, at the end, please leave some feed back letting me know if I'm really an over-reactor or if I'm dead-on with how I'm feeling.
So, I will begin here . . .
Hi! My name is K Marie and I am 37 years old. I am married and have 3 children in which only 2 of them live with me and are my own by birth. I've been married now for the past 10 years and 2 months to a man that I met a little over 18 years ago on a blind date. We dated on and off for the first 8 years of knowing each other before settling down and marrying. We believed to be each others "soul mates". My girls; I have a beautiful and smart 20 year old step-daughter, a gorgeous and very intelligent 17 year old daughter who is my oldest, and last, but not least, a sweet, gentle and very pretty 9 year old daughter who is mine and my current husbands together. So we have his, mine and ours.
I also have an inherited zoo that lives in our house; although we've lost a few throughout the years due to moving and death. I say "inherited" as all of our pets are rescues. We've never bought a pet from a breeder or a store. Currently, we own 2 dogs (a 6 year old Chihuahua and a 3 year old Black Lab-Collie mix), 2 cats (an 11 year old tortoise shell and a 3 year old "mutt", so to say), 2 snakes (a 3 year old albino corn snake and a 4 year old pueblian milk snake) and a lizard (a 2 year old bearded dragon). They are all like an extension to my family . . . they are like kids.
We all live together in a home that we blindly and very hastily decided to purchase with my very controlling and overbearing father-in-law. We've been living in our, or I should say, my father-in-laws home, since the spring of 2007. We were so excited to live in a new home together and to stop renting, even though what we are doing is virtually renting and was the beginning of a nightmare . . . Our Realtor was my step-daughters mother, whom we didn't get a long with in the past, previous to purchasing the house. However, husband was hell-bent on purchasing a home and getting out of the world of renting . . . so away we went. When we found this home we were both gainfully employed and had no worries of a possible struggle in affording this home.
My husband was and still is a CNC Machinist and is very good at what he does and makes good money. I was working as an office manager and the Warranty Service Manager for a high end construction company making good money as well. Together we made more than enough to afford this home and enough to afford the utilities and other stuff that goes along with owning a home.
The home we were purchasing was in the beginning stages of foreclosure so we bought it for $50,000 cheaper than what was owed. Starting with the final walk-through on the day of our closing the current owners of the home started being difficult; they didn't have even 1/2 of their things moved out yet, they took down all the window coverings which were supposed to be left up per the closing contact and the woman of the house was being very mean and basically forced us to leave the home before we were done walking it because she became quite irate. This was the 1st sign in my opinion that we should have backed out of the purchase of this home.
But the area was nice, my cousin and his soon to be wife lived across the street, we have great neighbors that we already had the pleasure in meeting a time or two and the home was only like 2 years old . . . some things really are too good to be true. The owners of the home showed up to the closing 2 hours late (sign #2), claimed that they didn't have the keys to the home (sign #3) and started demanding that we let them remove certain things such as the all the appliances, out of the home to take with them before we took over ownership of the home that day. These things were part of the contract and were to be left in the house . . . so we disagreed and demanded they remain intact (sing #4).
After about 6 hours in the closing office we finally closed and could head over to the home. Well, when we arrived there at around 7pm they still had quite a bit left to move out . . . UGH!!!!!! The man of the house kept asking if they could live there and pay us rent . . . he claimed they had nowhere to go. Our Realtor kindly put them up in a hotel for the evening and we told them that they had to have all their items out by that evening. We waited until nearly 10pm for that to happen. We then had the locks changed because there were threats that the older boy (he was 18) would come back with his friends and vandalize the home when we were gone because he had a key. One of our neighbors over heard him talking to a friend in the driveway that morning.
It was May 2007 when we closed and didn't plan on moving until the end of May early June. We wanted to paint, clean the carpets and bug bomb the place because the family let all the stray cats in from the barn behind the house. The next months were just ridiculous as the former owners would show up at the home and try to steal things from our garage, would stalk around the house looking in our windows while we are gone and would steal our mail. We called the police but didn't press charges because we knew they former owners were very upset about losing their home to foreclosure so we let it go . . . and things seemed to settle down after a few months.
The first year living in the home seemed good and everything was story book perfect. We would have bonfires and cook-outs with our neighbors and the kids all played together very well; this happened on nearly a daily basis. It was great to come home and have a drink with some friends and let the kids play. Honestly, I don't remember being happier in our marriage than during that first 8-9 months of living in our new home.
Early in January of 2008 I had surgery for some female issues. I had been suffering from severe anemia and from Menorrhagia and also had many procedures removing pre-cancerous cells from cervical dysplasia. So I made the decision of having a uterine ablation and having a tubal ligation (having my tubes tied). It was the best thing I could have done for myself to get better and stop the suffering from heavy bleeding. After recovering for a couple weeks and dealing with a severe reaction to an antibiotic I finally went back to work on the 1st of February. This is when our lives changed in a major way . . .
I know I've written about my marital issues on here as well as the issues I've had with my oldest daughter and other stuff, however, I haven't gone into great detail or really any detail for that matter. Writing my thoughts and getting some feed-back from my followers and on line friends that don't know the entire situation has been helpful and therapeutic in it's own way but until I truly release what is tormenting me on the inside I can't seem to move on and move past it all.
I've been told that I am an extremist, I think too much, I am too passionate, I make a mountain out of a molehill, I'm seeing things from one prospective . . . and so on. Maybe I am . . . maybe I'm not. Who's prospective am I supposed to see things from if not from my own? How passionate is too passionate? When do I stop thinking too much into things and just let them go without resolution or accountability from the "other side"? When does that molehill become a mountain and is it always me making the mountain of it?
I really don't know the answers to these questions as from my own prospective I don't see that I am the problem or the "only" problem. I know, just as well as the next person, that I am not a perfect being. I don't want to be perfect . . . what's the fun in being perfect? I make my share of mistakes, some on a daily basis and some I've repeated, thus making parts and stretches of my life very difficult due to my own behaviors but some mistakes have been learned from and not made again. I have bad habits just like you do and some I've overcome and some I still carry on with knowing they are bad without the ambition or desire to change them. Who doesn't?
I just realized that some of you who've been reading my rants on here about how horrible my life is may be thinking that I'm just negative and just like to bitch. I really am not that negative of a person (although I've had my moments) so I want to take some time to let you know where I'm coming from. This is no walk in the park and it's not going to be a short story. If you choose to read any of this, at the end, please leave some feed back letting me know if I'm really an over-reactor or if I'm dead-on with how I'm feeling.
So, I will begin here . . .
I also have an inherited zoo that lives in our house; although we've lost a few throughout the years due to moving and death. I say "inherited" as all of our pets are rescues. We've never bought a pet from a breeder or a store. Currently, we own 2 dogs (a 6 year old Chihuahua and a 3 year old Black Lab-Collie mix), 2 cats (an 11 year old tortoise shell and a 3 year old "mutt", so to say), 2 snakes (a 3 year old albino corn snake and a 4 year old pueblian milk snake) and a lizard (a 2 year old bearded dragon). They are all like an extension to my family . . . they are like kids.
We all live together in a home that we blindly and very hastily decided to purchase with my very controlling and overbearing father-in-law. We've been living in our, or I should say, my father-in-laws home, since the spring of 2007. We were so excited to live in a new home together and to stop renting, even though what we are doing is virtually renting and was the beginning of a nightmare . . . Our Realtor was my step-daughters mother, whom we didn't get a long with in the past, previous to purchasing the house. However, husband was hell-bent on purchasing a home and getting out of the world of renting . . . so away we went. When we found this home we were both gainfully employed and had no worries of a possible struggle in affording this home.
My husband was and still is a CNC Machinist and is very good at what he does and makes good money. I was working as an office manager and the Warranty Service Manager for a high end construction company making good money as well. Together we made more than enough to afford this home and enough to afford the utilities and other stuff that goes along with owning a home.
The home we were purchasing was in the beginning stages of foreclosure so we bought it for $50,000 cheaper than what was owed. Starting with the final walk-through on the day of our closing the current owners of the home started being difficult; they didn't have even 1/2 of their things moved out yet, they took down all the window coverings which were supposed to be left up per the closing contact and the woman of the house was being very mean and basically forced us to leave the home before we were done walking it because she became quite irate. This was the 1st sign in my opinion that we should have backed out of the purchase of this home.
But the area was nice, my cousin and his soon to be wife lived across the street, we have great neighbors that we already had the pleasure in meeting a time or two and the home was only like 2 years old . . . some things really are too good to be true. The owners of the home showed up to the closing 2 hours late (sign #2), claimed that they didn't have the keys to the home (sign #3) and started demanding that we let them remove certain things such as the all the appliances, out of the home to take with them before we took over ownership of the home that day. These things were part of the contract and were to be left in the house . . . so we disagreed and demanded they remain intact (sing #4).
After about 6 hours in the closing office we finally closed and could head over to the home. Well, when we arrived there at around 7pm they still had quite a bit left to move out . . . UGH!!!!!! The man of the house kept asking if they could live there and pay us rent . . . he claimed they had nowhere to go. Our Realtor kindly put them up in a hotel for the evening and we told them that they had to have all their items out by that evening. We waited until nearly 10pm for that to happen. We then had the locks changed because there were threats that the older boy (he was 18) would come back with his friends and vandalize the home when we were gone because he had a key. One of our neighbors over heard him talking to a friend in the driveway that morning.
It was May 2007 when we closed and didn't plan on moving until the end of May early June. We wanted to paint, clean the carpets and bug bomb the place because the family let all the stray cats in from the barn behind the house. The next months were just ridiculous as the former owners would show up at the home and try to steal things from our garage, would stalk around the house looking in our windows while we are gone and would steal our mail. We called the police but didn't press charges because we knew they former owners were very upset about losing their home to foreclosure so we let it go . . . and things seemed to settle down after a few months.
The first year living in the home seemed good and everything was story book perfect. We would have bonfires and cook-outs with our neighbors and the kids all played together very well; this happened on nearly a daily basis. It was great to come home and have a drink with some friends and let the kids play. Honestly, I don't remember being happier in our marriage than during that first 8-9 months of living in our new home.
Early in January of 2008 I had surgery for some female issues. I had been suffering from severe anemia and from Menorrhagia and also had many procedures removing pre-cancerous cells from cervical dysplasia. So I made the decision of having a uterine ablation and having a tubal ligation (having my tubes tied). It was the best thing I could have done for myself to get better and stop the suffering from heavy bleeding. After recovering for a couple weeks and dealing with a severe reaction to an antibiotic I finally went back to work on the 1st of February. This is when our lives changed in a major way . . .
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