In all the great universe of the vast cosmos, our individual relationships are keys to understanding the true nature of our own inner self. It is through our relationships that we can learn a lot about ourselves, especially in our personal friendships. Our friends function as mirrors of ourselves and they can reveal aspects of ourselves that we may not be fully conscious of in our day-to-day lives. If we are conscientious, mindful and pay attention to certain details in polite consideration of others our friendships will blossom and flourish.
It was a hot Sunday early in the week in Sacramento. I had a floating holiday coming to me because Labor Day was my usual day off. Thus, I was looking forward to an upcoming mini-vacation the next weekend to the giant living kaleidoscope of San Francisco. I had already made reservations for two, planned to take the Amtrak train, spend two nights at the Aida Plaza Hotel off Market Street and just enjoy myself in The City by being a streetwalker. I was scheduled to leave Sunday morning on the 9th of September and return in the late afternoon of 9-11, with security high in the Bay Area being in the post-911 era.
At first, I was going to take a sister-friend and local N.A. leader named Tania B. She had first agreed to go, but she changed her mind because as a sponsor of sisters in recovery she had to meet with her sponsees, plus she had a church revival going on. Next, I invited my younger Brother Bobby to come with me as my guest. However, he was in blackout mode at a recovery home he works with called One-Step-Up and unable to come along. Thus, I had to change my trip reservations for just one: me, myself and I. So I ended up going solo with The City as my fascinating company.
All week long I was suffering from mild anxiety attacks. I wanted to make sure that I had all the stuff I needed and had to pack up for my trip, especially I had to locate my little 2.O GB SunDisk photo disk with which I can take over 800 pictures with my HP Camera.
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Let me explain that I have a somewhat strange housing situation compared to a relatively 'normal' lifestyle. As a Counselor, my whole work life revolves around the Sacramento Salvation Army Emergency Shelter for homeless people, also called Sally’s. I was a former client there when I became homeless a few years ago, so Sally’s is my ‘home away from home’. I have people there I consider my friends who are working on their recovery program. I establish trusting relationships with clients, treat them as equals and love my job on a good day. Thus, I spend all week at Sally’s helping homeless people with an array of social and personal problems, though with a primary focus on helping guide them into safe secure housing.
In my life I am blessed to actually have two different ‘homes’ where I have two safe bedrooms I consider safe sanctuaries, miles apart in different parts of town. One of my sanctuaries is with my Cousin Mark where I rent a room in a nice two-bedroom house with a fireplace, where I have my Compaq laptop. Another is a little bedroom I rent from my disabled friend Barbara in an apartment compound across Broadway, where I have my HP Desktop with all the bells and whistles. Thus, after my work shift at Sally’s I can go ‘home’ to either sanctuary. Sometimes I need to remember what stuff I have at which place. It is cool to first wake up and realize which sanctuary I am at in the morning. Ultimately home is in the heart.
I am usually at Cousin Mark’s because we are old friends, both in the recovery movement and I can smoke tobacco in my room. On the other hand, I like going over Barbara’s where she lives with her husband and my friend John, who is a computer tech, but I smoke outside to because of John’s asthma. Tobacco smoking is my last remaining chemical vice. Barbara and John are old friends, kind regular people and respect the solitude I require as a writer. Despite my ins-and- outs and ups-and-down, I am treated like family.
When I am in my home sanctuary I get away from it all, focus on a humane rights agenda, do online research, read hard copy books, write in different genres and basically take the time to recharge my batteries.
So all week long I was stressing out about having to go over to Barbara’s to pack up some items I felt I just ‘had to have’ to take with me on my trip, including my ol’ faded jeans, which would keep me warm enough in cool San Francisco, but mainly my photo disk. I was going to pack up my blue gym bag, my orange backpack and my black waist pack.
The Saturday before my departure on Sunday, I went to work, clocked out after 5 PM and went over Barbara’s. I was stressing because I had not been there for a couple of weeks and missed being there, including petting the big fat rabbit 'Smokey’. Actually I really missed being online working with my HP Pavilion 7935 computer, with its webcam, earphones and microphone for chat rooms.
When I got there I checked in with Barbara just to chat with her for a bit about how life had been going for her and her hubby. When I stepped into the house the several caged birds chirped wildly as if greeting me. Barbara was playing on her computer and remarked, "We missed you stranger!"
I responded, “I missed you all too, but to tell you the truth I really missed my computer the most!”
She chuckled, “Yeah, I can appreciate that! I am usually here all day…” and turned happily back to her computer.
So I went to my room, petted 'Smoky' the pet rabbit for a bit, then sat in my desk chair and scanned the room for stuff. It felt good to be back in my little sanctuary and safe at home.
I turned on my desktop computer, checked my Emails as usual, checked the San Francisco Chronicle for the weekend weather and looked around for my little photo disk. Then it dawned on me that my main stress for that whole week was actually to make sure that I got my little 2GB photo disk and I did not really need anything else to take with me on my trip. So to not look dumb I took a few things from my room over Barbara’s to take to Mark’s place for show-and-tell when Barbara gave me a ride home later that night.
My ol’ jeans I later found clean in the bottom of my closet over Mark’s. So all I really needed to take with me that was not already at Cousin Mark’s was a little photo disk in a little plastic holder that had been placed on my computer desk over Barbara’s. Back over Mark’s, as I fingered my tiny photo disk in my hand I thought of all that self-inflicted stress over such a little tiny object!
I realized that I had to work more on my relationships with others and try not to isolate myself to my downfall, especially being in mid-recovery from drug addiction. Self-isolation can be a killer, yet as a creative writer loneliness can be my ally because others do not distract me when I am physically alone.
Stressing over such a detail I had a divine revelation about the role of relationships in my life. Often in my going to-and-fro between sanctuaries neither Barbara on one side of town nor my Cousin Mark on the other side know when I will pop in on any given day and spend the night or not. I have the house keys to go into both places on my key chain, along with other keys.
I am in a personal world of my own, without a mate, kids or pets. I strive to keep in conscious contact with my Creator, my own humane consciousness and with others who are important to me in my life. However, sometimes I do neglect some of my friends, fail to nurture my relationships and cultivate new ones. I need to spend more quality time with friends without just killing time. At work, at school and elsewhere, I am always around people and many times just being around people and silently witnessing their character defects and their irrelevant interests can be a real drag to me. I am into advocating for humane rights for all people in general. I abhor peer pressure and will not warp myself just to fit in with others, so I have my own unique style of living.
Plus, I am a loner by nature, consider myself a creative writer and writing is a lonely life at best. Being a functional single mature adult I do not have to account to anyone else in terms of my time, comings and goings. I believe that keeping a moving balance is key for a strong healthy life and if I am not busy at a workstation by a computer I am usually at a meeting, counseling someone or going to-and-fro between places.
We should be open-minded and be aware of current events on a global scale in order to clearly see the divine in the cosmos. Yet at times, if only by intuition, we need to pay attention to the devil in the detail in order to see the big picture. Looking for the tiny detail of my little 2.0GB photo disk and my stressing out on getting it all week gave me the divine revelation of my need to maintain genuine relationships with my friends. I need to look in my mirrors and keep my mirrors clean, free of smudges.
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+Peta-de-Aztlan+ An Open Journal Bloglink:
http://peta-de-aztlan.blogspot.com/2007/09/divine-and-devil-in-detail-by-peter-s.htm
Related Photo Link:
http://picasaweb.google.com/peta.aztlan/SanFranciscoOrBust
c/s
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